Allowing youself to be seen and known, fully and without shame is terrifying. The concept is practically unthinkable to me. Intense privacy and the delight of my own company are comforts I can't imagine living without; even as I seek to invite others into my life, I try to maintain a safe distance. I shouldn't think of relationships in this way, I know. If someone I loved viewed me as an intruder, an unwanted tresspasser into their life I would be righteously offended.
Perhaps I have just never learned the healthy boundaries of relationships. Where do I draw the lines around what is mine, what is theirs, what is ours? What am I allowed to keep for myself? How can I give and share pieces of myself without fear of losing them? When my parents split up, my mother was left without anything. We started our new life with only the small necessities she carried in her handbag. Maybe that is what I truly afraid of: sharing so much and keeping so little for myself that when it all falls apart I am left with hardly anything at all.
I don't know if I am ready to be a relationship. I don't know if I ever will be. But it is impossible to live if you are terrified of being hurt and of hurting other people. None of us are every 'ready'. The unpreparedness is the entire point of being alive. I can not always be perfect or blameless but I can strive to be kind. The same is true for everyone around me. Kindness is all that we can expect from each other.