big red ocean
swallow me whole.
consume the flesh of my mortal body.
devour me.
wet heat.
my flesh, torn from bone —
sinew like spiderweb
love of mine, become god,
come to me as father,
brother,
killer.
i find you in a photograph,
sun worn,
summer faded,
under a wide open sky.
things dont get better
but i stop being so sick
(there is a part of me that will always be yellow,
brown, rotted,
pustulent,
greedy).
i drown in a heady wave of devotion.
you bring me out into the light
again
and again, and again.
i fear the dark more than ever these days.
the shadows don’t leave.
have you seen the posters up in the the streets,
calling for revolution,
freedom from your all-consuming affection?
would you let go of my hand,
free me from your white knuckle grip
and let me fall on my own,
just once,
to create something for myself;
a bruise,
draw blood,
create another space in me
with words and knives and wet hands.
blessed be those who beg for freedom
and those who dance to bring the rain.